My thoughts right now are focused mainly on getting my life together. I need to show Christopher that I am perfectly capable of taking care of a man, a child, a household, and above all else, myself. I need to contribute financially and personally to this household. I am a 26 year old woman and should be supporting myself and my son. It should not be purely up to Christopher to support us. We are my responsibility as well.
I also need to not rely on him for all social interaction. I need to make friends, and make a point to see them on a regular basis. My need for independence goes far beyond financial responsibilities. I need to be able to go places on my own when I want or need to do so. I want to be able to buy things that aren't necessary, without asking him for money or permission. I need to be able to provide the necessities for myself and my son. I want to be able to provide him with all the fun things in life. I want to be able to buy yarn to make the projects I want to make. I also want to be able to do things for Christopher that don't require him to pay for it.
I want to develop hobbies that get me out of the house, alone. I want to be able to pay a babysitter should I find the time and want to do so. I want to develop hobbies that involve only Christopher and I. I want to date him, on a regular basis. I feel like we could use some quality time together, getting to know each other again, and falling in love with each other all over again.
I want an education. An education that will allow me to have a rewarding and fulfilling career. I thought all this time that I wanted to be a stay at home Mom, raise my children myself. I thought it was awful to leave him/them in daycare. Now I think I was just being lazy. Being home all the time really just doesn't work for me, and that's perfectly okay. I can leave him in daycare, and he will be just fine. In fact the social interaction will likely do him a lot of good.
I want to go out and have fun like a young woman should. This doesn't have to mean getting drunk, and I highly doubt it will since I'm definitely not much of a drinker. It simply means going out and having fun. This can involve fishing, bowling, golf, baseball games, etc.
I want to get my health straightened out. I want to take care of myself better. I want to look great, and I know it's entirely possible. I need to get my teeth fixed. I need to start taking care of my skin and hair. I need to get haircuts on a regular basis. I need to get my nails and toenails done on a regular basis. Not really because it's necessary, but because I deserve it and the way it feels. I have a great body already, and if I put some effort into eating well and exercising, I'd have a kick ass body.
I want to learn to handle money well. I want to be frugal with my/our money. I want to learn to make great things happen in the grocery store through the use of coupons. I don't feel the need to go all extreme crazy lady with the coupons, but I think they could take us a long way when it comes to our grocery bill. Lord knows there are far better ways to spend money than on groceries. Like sitting in a savings account! We really need to work on savings.
I just hope that it's not to late to save our relationship. I just hope I got my head out of my ass in time to keep him from walking away. I love that man more than I could ever put into words, and I need him in my life. My son needs his father. He is an amazing man and I'm lucky to have him. I just hope I can show him that he is lucky to have me!
